I'm so fucking centered right now
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
