i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
