How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
