That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
