For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
