too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
