Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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