That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
