A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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