Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
