we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
