How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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