hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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