i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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