people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
