i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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