weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize