Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
