Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it glows. i had to have it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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