Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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