i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
should my penis look like a turkey
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize