Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
