Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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