He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
