DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
