She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
