I hope mine doesn't look like that
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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