I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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