please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
NoShamevember. You game?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize