He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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