Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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