In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
