the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
