if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
