sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
