apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
