i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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