i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
third nipple confirmed
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
