omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
