...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
