I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
