the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
