Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
