ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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