If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
