My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
