My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
