your parents love me but you hate me
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The beers last night were like the tears from god
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
