I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
me + whiskey = a bad person
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
