He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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