just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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