Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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