Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
