Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
