I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
