the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
