Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
