i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Randomize
