i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
