dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize