I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
