Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
