$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
