Betty ford says i'm here all night
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
