Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
