Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
