Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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