I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
